okay pat passed out under dana's car
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
