I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
