You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
