How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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