I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
