just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
