i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
