i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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