I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
