she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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