Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
