UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
