I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
