my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize