I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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