porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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