...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
