I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
