I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
