Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
