Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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