hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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