Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
