So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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