My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
