Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
