i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
