ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize