ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
