It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
