I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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