Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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