SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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