got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
