the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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