If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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