Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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