How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
