Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
