What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
