I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
