Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
