At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
