dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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