Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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