oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
