ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
