i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just threw up on my dentist
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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