You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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