i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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