just tell him i said nine months
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
