none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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