I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
