first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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