I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
