I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize