He kissed a someone with a penis
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
