I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
