Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
