Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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