those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
