Pregnant stripper...not hot.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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