this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm really busy with my period
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