one might say we're banned from that church
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
