you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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