did you get engaged???
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
