did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
