Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
