answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
