you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
