he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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