oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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