so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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