So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
