Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
