she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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