the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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