we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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