You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
