I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize