Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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