just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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