yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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