Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Im part way to drunk.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
