I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
