Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
