I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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