I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize