i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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