i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
