Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
