There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
