Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize