Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
