I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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