I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
