3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize