Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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