No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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